Monday, August 4, 2008

United Airlines can kiss my patookiss*.

It's getting really expensive to fly anywhere. You have to pay to check your bags, and to drink water or eat pretzels; it'll cost you to watch the movie or listen to music, too. This is not a joke: you now have to rent the pillows and blankets (I had always considered those a nuisance; I didn't realize people actually use them!)
A friend of mine who works for a major airline (no names will be mentioned) filled me in on a recent upper management meeting in which budget recovery strategies were discussed. (S)he assures me that on the very next flight any of us board, several new fees will be in place. They are, as I'm writing this, installing coin-operated locks on the bathroom doors. (Don't buy the water! There's laxatives in it!) First class customers, of course, will be given tokens upon boarding.
Go ahead and lower that tray table, but keep in mind, it's going to cost you $3. Recline your seat? Sure, but bring lots of quarters to feed the recliner regulator. Need air or want to turn the reading light on? More quarters!
As they've already gotten away with so much, the airline has decided to stop worrying about offending people and weigh suspiciously large people, charging them an additional $10 per pound over a certain weight.
The in-flight magazine and Skymall will still be free for your perusal, but if you do any of the puzzles, there will be a charge, and as for Skymall, a minimum purchase will be required--read the fine print on your e-ticket!

*Spellcheck, anyone?

1 comment:

Kara said...

Preach on sista'. Man traveling prices are becoming a bummer. I guess you will just have to stay here and hang out with me :)