Minor Home Makeover

Now that I have pegged the mom thing, I am taking the tv world by storm with a new reality show called Minor Makeover. Each episode starts out with the host(s) knocking on someone's door or maybe even we'll do the megaphone thing if it's not too much of a ripoff. Next everybody (the lucky recipients of our miracle, the host(s), and anyone else who shows up) sits around drinking beer and wine, drawing up plans, and making grand sweeping gestures in the house and yard. There will be some variations, of course, like the episode where we show up at 11 in the a.m. wearing bathrobes and bearing coffee, cigarettes and gramma damma's donuts, make grand sweeping gestures until about 3, and then start with beer and wine. Of course there will be no hard liquor because this is a good clean family show. After the commercial break, we will come to agreement by consensus (this part of the show will be condensed from about twelve days to twelve seconds) and begin the home makeover. Next we realize we don't have the right tool to knock out a wall, or that nobody knows how to replumb the toilet we just ripped out, or dancing with the stars comes on and we stop for a break; we meet the challenge by ordering out for chinese food. "Okay, let's move the couch," our inspired host(s) suggest(s), then we paint some stencils on the pillows and buy a plastic rabbit for the front yard.